Meatball Sandwich Prevention Hotline, May I Help You?

As I squeezed into my size blankety-blank jeans to come to work today, I felt pretty good, because I am confident that I am going to make it to the gym today after work, even though I’m running on 5 1/2 hours of sleep. I knew it would be a long day, and fixed myself a yummy little salad for lunch, packed my green tea and even ate what could pass for breakfast at the house. Trying to plan ahead and all. I got into the office about 9:00am. Usually, I don’t eat until 1:00pm or so, but I got a heads up about 11:00am that I will be working on a project at lunchtime. At 11:15am, I decided I should eat to stave off the inevitable hunger and subsequent overeating. Salad wasn’t sounding too plentiful at that moment. I was really craving some protein, so I thought I’d zip on over to Little Deli for a sandwich. The choices were all delicious looking, but my mind was racing with things like: “tuna salad has mayo, turkey and cheese? nah. Heck no to the Reuben.” After the counter clerk rattled off the ingredients for muffaleta, my mouth began to water and I quickly ordered a meatball sandwich. I mean, it’s probably kinda fatty but all beef, right?

After making the decision to bring the sandwich back and eat it at my desk – note to self: enjoy the tables and the sunshine outdoors at Little Deli – or anywhere for that matter - I brought my treasure back to the office. I began to smell the pleasant aroma of the sandwich in my little car. It takes a mighty big sandwich to make my car smell good. The second I walked in the door, my office mate spied my generic brown bag. “Little Deli?” she asked. “Yes,” I said a tad sheepishly. But it’s just meatballs, right? I decided “to heck with eating at my desk” and walked the 10 feet to the kitchen area. Opening my prize sandwich, I discovered a gorgeous, crispy roll with melted provolone all over it. “Oh, crap,” I thought. “This isn’t what I expected. Maybe I can just eat the meatballs out of it. Let me just taste the cheese. Bad move – or for those of you that remember Chuck Barris – Gong!

One taste was all it took. I was so hungry that I ate the sandwich quickly, tearing at it ferociously like a new lover (I’m working on my romance novelist skills, can you tell?). Within 3 minutes that sandwich was almost gone. And then it hit me — “Why isn’t there a dang Meatball Sandwich Prevention Hotline?” Shouldn’t I be able to call someone to tell me, “Back away from the Italian sub.” Of course, I might need a hostage negotiation team, but that’s me. Of course, I didn’t think about it until I was on my last bite. And I probably wouldn’t have listened anyway. I’m just sayin’ – total emotional eating – I have been a little stressed with work and responsibilities and I think I got a little worked up knowing I might not be able to eat for a while. I have this fear that food is going to disappear and I better eat as much as I can in case there is none later. When I realize that, I always picture myself as a 2nd grader, when I was curly-haired and snaggle-toothed, wearing tube socks with hand-me-down dresses, awkward and insecure.

Anyway, that’s today’s fail – so far, so-so. On an up note – it is flippin’ gorgeous outside!