Size Matters to Women.

While on pound patrol, I have often had to move up (and occasionally down) in size. The first thing I would like to say is that I refuse to buy clothes at Dress Barn simply because of the retail chain’s name. “Hi, you’re big as a barn, need a dress?” And due to high anxiety and breaking out in sweats over inflated prices at mall department stores, I choose to browse the aisles at clearance stores and often at Target. While I love to thrift, it just isn’t practical for me to hit Goodwill while at my current size, because the choices are so few and it takes so long to find something. At a size 8 or 10 – I can pretty much grab anything off the rack and look fab. Not so much when doubling those sizes. And it’s frustrating and disheartening.

It look me a long time to understand overweight “code,” but here is what I have figured out so far:

Size Translator for Plus Sizes:
Juniors Department – Don’t Even Think About It. I recently met a real, live working model whose butt was about the size of my ankle. She was also six feet tall and I am 5′ 6″ and had a good 80 pounds on her. Of course, I doubt she’d be caught dead in a clearance store, but if you are hitting size 16 and up, don’t frustrate yourself with browsing the Juniors department. Plus, if you are over 35, most of those items aren’t age-appropriate -although I will admit that I bought, and wore, a Miley Cyrus t-shirt at Wal-Mart last year. For realz, y’all.

And do everyone a favor. Don’t even look at pants that are below the waist if you are Plus Sized. I, for one, feel less like I have a muffin top and more like an entire pastry case on display.

Women’s Department – to me this means you are (a) slightly more conservative in your taste than a tween and teenager, and can fit into anything from a size 6 to a size 12. I’m guessing many women fall into this category. I know when at this size/age, I was an oonch more “I don’t want everyone looking at my girls,” so there’s usually a little more cover up above and below the knee.

Plus Size Department – this means your size is between a 12 and parachute. At present, I fit into this category. Here is the dilemma. On the down side, it is much, much harder to find anything cool and funky in this size category without looking like you are trying to pretend you are 25. Nothing against 25 year olds, more power to you, it’s just that when you have laugh lines, a few grays and a little jiggle to you, it can come off as sad.

I don’t know if this is a new thing because our culture is becoming more overweight, or if I’ve just noticed it because I am at my heaviest, but take note, Plus Sizes:

XXL in Women’s sizes is different than XXL in Plus Sizes – if you wear XXL in Plus Sizes, you probably cannot wear XXL in Women’s Sizes.

Watching out for shrinkage! If you are Plus Size, you are lucky just to find something that fits you that you like – make sure it’s not 100% cotton or if it is wash it in cold water and air dry – unless you are buying bigger, and we all know how emotionally traumatizing that is.

Black, black, black! Even if it’s 110 degrees outside.

Of course, XXL and all sizes vary according to manufacturer, so on occasion, it really may be true that “these pants are cut too small” – or too big. Try on the clothes before you buy. When you’re a size 8, you can buy off the rack and rock it. Not so much at size 18. I’m very guilty of this.

Recently I overheard a woman say coyly that she wore a size 2. There was no way this woman was a size 2. However, during my far-reaching search for clothes that fit, I have come to notice that some manufacturers have changed their sizing. I have no doubt that this is a marketing ploy, but there is some sense of psychological “relief” to it. For example, XXL often correlates to 2X and XXXL correlates to 3X, etc. And now those have sizes have been shortened simply to 2 and 3. I would like to applaud the shrink who charged the company a hundred grand to come up with that brilliant idea. Boyfriend t-shirts also a brilliant idea for Plus Sizers.

If you shop at Target, Mossimo does offer some cute clothing in Plus-Sizes. Kathy Lee can bite me. Yes, I’ve been known to wear Delta Burke lingerie.

Though I plan to be losing weight, I would love to know if there are places where a woman of 46 who acts 12 can get some creative clothing for a variety of purposes: I play music as you may know, so I’m often on the hunt for what to wear to a gig, for casual attire and for work (which is also pretty casual). I really don’t mind spending $75 on a pair of jeans if they fit right, look good, and last long. But I, like many people, always hope I’ll be in a size smaller next season.

As I always say, my weight is an issue for me. It’s not about self-loathing. I love myself the way I am. I think overweight people are no less attractive than non-overweight people. For me, it is an issue of my health. My cholesterol is out of control and I have young children to be here for and I work a full-time job and it’s often hard to get to the gym – or have the energy for it after a long day. I know this weight can come off, and will. I, like most women with responsibilities, have a hard time juggling priorities and drawing boundaries. I have used up pretty much every excuse possible, so now I write hoping that I will get good feedback and practical advice from real folk across the globe.

And don’t you think this Plus Size chick totally rocks?
Kerosene Deluxe And of course Queen Latifa – that goes without saying, but since so many things go unsaid, I’m saying it.

One complaint: Why did I not get the boobs to go with this extra weight? Dang.

Please, send me your retails suggestions and feedback on retailers or tips that put you on the right track for good!

I hope you have a healthy day.