You Dropped a Bomb on Me.

So, I’m happily scrolling through my Facebook app on my smart phone today (which, by the way, has an IQ of 152, just sayin’), and about 5 out of ten status updates were filled with those pesky chain statuses. You know the ones. The ones you often agree with, maybe even “Like,” encourage you to change your status to the same status for “one hour” if you agree, and that leave you feeling totally guilty because you have no intention whatsoever of changing your status to something so pre-fabricated and, well, unoriginal.

If you’ve not seen these “chain mail” statuses, they go something like this:

If you love Jesus and believe he is your Lord and Savior and will arm-wrestle the atheists til they cry Uncle, and you think Charlie Sheen is getting too much tail while our soldiers are suffering poon-less in Afganistan, and you support corner offices for lawyers with more than two years of experience, then copy and paste this into your status for one hour. Really, just an hour is all we need. (Guilt trip coming up): I know that 99.9% of you losers won’t lift a finger to do this, so I’m cluttering up the interesting stuff with this lame status update because I can’t think of anything original to say.”

Now, is it just me, or are these status updates annoying? I mean, the doppleganger game was kinda fun, the bra game sweet, but don’t get me started on the cartoon characters one. I saw everyone changing their profile picture to a cartoon character and thought it was cute until I read someone’s status explaining the motivation behind it. If you “stand up to child abuse” put a cartoon character as your profile pic. How the heck is that going to prevent child abuse? As one poster put: “The invasion of happy childhood memories helps spread the prevention of child abuse.” Seriously? Because I know some people whose childhood memories ARE of child abuse. I just hope their cartoon character had insurance for PTSD counseling.

Maybe it’s my big mouth and opinions like this that got me unfriended today. This was no “average” unfriending – I liked this person and considered us friendly acquaintances. It’s going to be a tad awkward when I run into her next. This unfriending wasn’t traumatic – I would place it somewhere between a Post It Note Breakup and a Text Message Breakup. The difference is that you feel so surprised and the questions start popping up: “Why did she unfriend me?” “Did I say something offensive or is she just culling the herd?” “How long ago did she unfriend me and why am I the last to know?” “Who else knows about this???” “Am I that annoying?” “Do I drop the f-bomb a wee much?”

While the answer to those last two questions may be yes, I have to say that I think I have only unfriended four people, and I believe I gave all of them notice and a reason. If I don’t get along with someone or don’t want to read their posts, I generally just hide their feed. But alas, I got my ass unfriended today. I’m trying to look at it on the bright side: even the losers get lucky sometimes. One less bell to answer, bitch.

Maybe, for my future posts, I will add a user satisfaction survey to be more Facebook-friendly. I can ask questions such as:

“Did you find this post helpful?”
“Would you “Like” this post again?”
“Would you share this post with a friend?”
“If you could improve this post, what changes would you make?”

The problem is, that would be boring. I guess I’d rather have the crazy, wacky friends that I appreciate – and that tolerate and appreciate me – than some lame-o stick in the mud. {STICKS TONGUE OUT}

I’m mature, I know.